


Over and Out

by SweetSerenity



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bonding, Episode: s05e11 The Dark Year, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-07-08 11:55:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15929930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetSerenity/pseuds/SweetSerenity
Summary: Clarke spoke to Bellamy on the radio every day for six years. Bellamy couldn't hear her. But Bloodreina was listening, and it changed the fate of Wonkru during the dark year.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After the first 'What if' chapter, this will be a series of scenes that dance around the edge of plot, focusing on Octavia, Clarke and Madi in this Alternate Universe. It will probably be about four or five chapters. There will be a Bellarke ending.

Octavia banged her head against the table until it ached. It was an impossible situation. They were trapped underground like rats on a dead planet, and they were running out of food. Was Abby right? Could they really go so far? She would take any other option. Literally _anything_. Abby was the expert. She had science and decades of leadership experience on her side. Octavia was just a scared little girl playing dress-up. Bloodreina had started to hate the sight of blood. A few weeks ago she had started using mud and red dye. No one had noticed. And that stupid catchphrase. ‘You are Wonkru or you are the enemy of Wonkru.’ It had lost all meaning to her after so much repetition, but it echoed in her head all day and night. Every time she said it she felt emptier. But Wonkru _believed_. They ate it all up like candy. She clawed at the desk with her hands, digging into the grooves she had made over the last two years, every time she had burst into this room in frustration. There had been many times, and the grooves were deep. They were doomed. They were all doomed. She couldn’t breathe. She managed to suck in some air in sharp bursts, but her chest felt tight, and lights danced before her eyes. This had happened once before, and she had woken up on the floor. This time, as everything started to go dark, her hearing was heightened, and that’s when she heard the tell-tale static of a radio. It snapped her out of her panic attack faster than she could blink, and then she was halfway across the room, clutching at the radio receiver that she knew absolutely nothing about. ‘Bellamy,’ she whispered. ‘Please be Bellamy. I need you.’ It wasn’t Bellamy.

_‘Day 657. Hey Bellamy, looks like it’s going to be a rainy day. Madi and I are holed up inside, praying that our waterproofing worked. Madi hates rainy days. She’s always so restless. I tried to carve a rough flute, so we could try some music, because Madi’s never heard any. But it just makes this awful high-pitched noise. I taught her one of the old nursery rhymes we learnt to sing back on the Ark instead, you know, the one that goes ‘may we meet under the old oak tree…’ The lyrics are less depressing on the ground. Madi has a lovely voice. I thought I might tell her the story of the dropship landing again tonight. She’s heard it about a thousand times, but she loves to shout along when I get to Octavia’s first words, ‘We’re back, bitches!’ I know I should discourage swearing at her age, but it seems so silly after everything we’ve been through, and there’s no one to hear her except me. Anyway, I hope you guys haven’t driven each other crazy yet. I suppose every day up there is like a rainy day for you. Do you ever sing? I know it’s lame, but it helps to keep our spirits up. I can just picture Murphy’s face at that suggestion. That helped cheer me up too. I’d better go, I can hear Madi calling for me. Same time tomorrow?’_

Bloodreina wept, for the first time since she had entered the bunker. She tried to pull herself together, but she couldn’t stop. The tears just kept coming. How many times over the last two years had she asked herself, ‘What would Clarke Griffin do?’ It almost felt like a miracle, but she didn’t believe in miracles. Still, she would keep this crazy coincidental timing to herself. Some members of Wonkru were naïve enough to believe in anything, and she didn’t want them to start some kind of bizarre worship ritual to Goddess Clarke. But the tears, those she would show them. They all knew that Octavia Blake could bleed, let them see that she could also cry.

Octavia spent the whole day in the control room, listening to the backlog of radio communications that had come through in a wave, like a river bursting through a dam. They weren’t an instruction manual. She still didn’t _know_ what Clarke would do. But they told her so many other things she didn’t know before. They ran through her head like a mantra. Clarke was alive, she was up above them somewhere, and she would find a way to open the bunker. Clarke believed that Bellamy and her other friends were alive, even further up, with the stars. There was a beautiful green valley waiting for them to come home. And the crowning glory, there was an innocent little girl out there, and _Octavia was her favourite._ That one made her cry the hardest. Octavia thought that the radio static was the sweetest sound in the world. The radio logs gave her courage, and suddenly she knew _what Octavia Blake would do_. By the time she left, her eyes red and puffy but with her head held high, she had a plan to save her people.

 

* * *

 

 

Octavia walked into her office and made a beeline for the pen and paper, ignoring the Council she had called together. She scribbled down the outline of her plan, and slid it across to Miller. Abby, Kane and Indra would poke holes in her plan and then agree to consider it only if she changed 90% of it first. They were politicians, and they couldn’t help themselves. Miller was a straight shooter. If Miller backed her he would back her, and then worry about the details later.

Octavia held her breath, but after a few minutes of reading, Miller slammed his fist into the table. ‘Hell yeah! This is it. It will work.’

Octavia gave him a grateful look, and then passed the plan on to Indra, whose face was unreadable, as usual. As the plan was passed around the room, Octavia strode over to the head of the table and leaned against the wall next to her seat. She almost never used it. She had learnt about the theatrics of leadership from her brother. In her head she referred to this position as her Bellamy lean. It was aggressively casual, almost a dare. It gave her authority, but goaded the others to argue with her at the same time. Their arguing was useful and productive, as long as they recognised her leadership, her final vote.   

‘Bugs,’ she shouted. ‘We are going to eat bugs.’

 She gave them a moment to absorb that before elaborating. ‘We can make an opening small enough to attract bugs using light or scents or whatever the hell they’re into. We seal off the room from the far end, like an airlock. We find a way to retrieve the bugs without exposing ourselves to significant radiation.’

She glanced at her head engineer as she said it, unclenching her hands in relief when he gave her a nod. Without that assurance she was all bluster and no substance. She had been bluffing her heart out. It was her specialty lately.

‘It won’t do much for our hunger, but it will give us a little more time. Time for our Agro team to get their asses into gear and fix our food shortage. I don’t care if we have to eat snot-covered poo to stay alive, just make it happen! The only other option is death.’

This was the point where a year ago she would have jabbed a sword into the table for dramatic effect, but now all she had to do was lean forward slightly to make them twitch. She would save the sword for later, keep some motivating force in reserve. She had a feeling this would be a long and bloody battle.

There was a scoff from one of the Agro guys, clearly former Skaikru. ‘Bugs? You want us to risk being burned from the inside out because you thought you heard the pitter-patter of little wings through the roof? There’s nothing alive out there. It’s a fool’s errand.’

Indra made a hand gesture towards the man, asking if she wanted her to step in. Octavia declined the offer with a wave of her hand. She wanted to play the bad cop this time. She still had a lot of frustration to work off.

‘Thank you Mr. Davies, for volunteering.’ Octavia put her hand on the back of his head and leaned in, whispering loudly enough to echo through the silent room. ‘You will find my bugs, or I will squash you like one.’ She released him, scratching his cheek lightly as she stepped back, just enough to leave a raised red mark. She recognised him from the pit last week. She knew them all by name and face, winners and losers, living and dead. They all knew her intimately, staring up at her on her throne from down below. It was only fair that she knew them too, and Octavia was nothing if not fair.

‘How do you know that these bugs exist?’ Kane asked in a smooth tone that broke the tension in the room. Kane couldn’t be intimidated by her games.

‘They do,’ Octavia said in a voice that brooked no argument, choosing not to reveal her source. The others started chattering away with their questions and their speculation, and Octavia listened silently for a few minutes to gather the gist of their reaction before raising her hand. The noise stopped immediately.

She looked to Abby, and saw her wiping away a tear. Only the two of them knew how close Wonkru had come to the edge, to the nuclear option. Abby gave her an imperceptible nod. They would take that knowledge to their graves. With any luck, they wouldn’t need it any more, not in this lifetime.

‘Now, Abby and I have some private matters to consult on. By the time we get back, you will all be gone, working yourselves to the bone for this mission. Nothing else matters. Got it?’ She swept out of the room without a backwards glance. When she reached the doorway, she called out to the room at her back. ‘Except for you, Niylah. Your mission is to assemble a choir. Some kids with passable voices. They’ll sing for us tomorrow morning.’

She kept walking, heading for the control room, with Abby following her like a shadow. Abby would have a few more tears to shed tonight, when Octavia turned on the radio.

 

* * *

 

 

The plan worked. There were four casualties to radiation poisoning while they worked out the kinks, but eventually Octavia had her bugs. By that point rations had become little more than the air they breathed, so Wonkru scoffed them down with enthusiasm. It was perilously close, but the scientists from Agro managed to come up with some manufactured miracle plant that kept the alive for four more years, after some crazy experimentations with bugs and blood that Octavia didn’t want to understand. They were always hungry, but they were alive.

When they were away from that cliff, Octavia could breathe again. She leaned away from the fighting pits, reserving them for harsher crimes. By the end of the third year, most of the people that entered the pits were volunteers, fighting for entertainment or to solve private disputes. They almost always came back out alive. Octavia led unopposed for six years. Wonkru was a strong united clan, and they knew where to place their gratitude and loyalty. There were always dissidents, but that only made Wonkru stronger, more human. As time passed, she even encouraged the dissent. It kept things interesting, and it helped dampen some of the cult-like adoration that really creeped her out.

 She retired her catch phrase on the same day that Madi fired a gun for the first time. Clarke cried on the radio for an hour, begging Bellamy to tell her that she had made the right decision, praying that Madi would never have to point the gun at another human being. Bloodreina stood up before her people and declared that Wonkru had no enemies. They were all Wonkru now, whether they liked it or not.

Octavia listened to every single radio call.

 

* * *

 

 

Octavia had listened intently as Clarke tried to reach Madi over the radio, whispering about intruders and hiding spots, wondering what the hell was going on. She fiddled around with the radio until she picked up the Eligius channels, then tried really hard to make some sense out of it all. When she heard her brother’s voice for the first time in six years, she almost had a heart attack. She put on her flashiest Bloodreina ensemble and went down to the pit to wait. Clarke and Bellamy were coming for her, as she knew they would.

They descended from above like angels. Octavia fought through her anxiety by imagining Bellamy with wings and a halo, so she was smiling when he saw her for the first time in six years. He smiled back, which actually made him seem more alien. She didn’t remember much smiling before Praimfaya. It seemed that time had been kind to her brother. Her own experiences had been so heavy and consuming, both the good and the bad, that she couldn’t even begin to unravel how time had changed her. She knew that to Bellamy’s eyes she must look skinny, worn-down, all sharp edges. Bloody. But anyone from the bunker would say that Octavia was having a good day, that she had actually improved in the last few years, in spirit if not in physical form. She had even joined the children in their choir performance that morning. She ignored her sense of disconnect and hugged Bellamy tightly. ‘Welcome back, big brother.’

They stayed locked together for a few moments, without words. Octavia was the one to pull away. She smiled again, more genuine this time, and tried to project some cheer.

‘Don’t worry about me,’ she said. ‘I’m good Bell.’

When he looked sceptical, she added, ‘For someone that was stuck in this coffin for six years. I can’t wait to feel the sun again.’

He still didn’t seem to buy it, but he just hugged her again, kissing her hair. ‘I missed you,’ he said.

‘Me too.’

 

When Miller came over for a warm reunion with Bellamy, Octavia finally turned to Clarke. She was surprised by how closely she resembled she image she’d dreamt up while listening to her voice on the radio. She looked fierce, but also looser, a bit like the less war-like of the Grounder clans before Praimfaya. Clarke looked good. Octavia hugged her, ignoring the slight judgement in Clarke’s eyes as she took in the fighting pits. Clarke and Bellamy wouldn’t approve of everything Bloodreina had done in her reign, but then Octavia hadn’t always approved of their leadership either. They would understand eventually. She firmly believed that. Sometimes Octavia thought she knew Clarke now better than she knew herself. She would come around.

‘It’s so good to see you,’ Octavia said with feeling.

Clarke looked a little surprised by her warmth, which was understandable as they hadn’t parted on the best of terms.

‘Where’s Madi?’ Octavia asked as she stepped back. ‘I’ve been dying to meet her. We all have.’

Clarke was speechless. Octavia almost laughed at the look on her face.

‘I know your calls weren’t addressed to me, but I listened in anyway. It’s my sisterly prerogative to eavesdrop after all.’

‘You heard me?’ Clarke whispered, almost shaking, wrapping her arms around her stomach. ‘I can’t believe it. I thought I was just shouting into the void.’

Or creating a diary. Octavia knew it would be a bit awkward, but she had no qualms about invading Clarke’s privacy, under the circumstances. It wasn’t like she could have asked for permission. ‘Abby and I were the only ones to listen to the calls. I shared some stories with the others, but only the good ones. I heard you became something of a storyteller yourself.’

Clarke laughed. ‘Madi loves stories.’ There was a pause, before Clarke reached out for her hand. ‘I’m glad you were listening Octavia.’

‘Me too.’ She was glad for Clarke’s sake and her own. They had both been so lonely, but through that radio neither of them had ever really been alone. Before Praimfaya there had been a distance between them, one that began so far back she couldn’t even pinpoint the cause of it. After hearing those radio calls, Octavia didn’t think she could ever feel that distance again.

Clarke leaned in closer, lowering her voice. ‘Madi is with the others that Bellamy left behind, hiding in the woods. I didn’t want her anywhere near the Eligius crew. These people…’

Octavia brushed her sword discreetly. ‘No one will touch a hair on Madi’s head. I swear it.’

Clarke looked her up and down, and Octavia knew what she would see. Bloodreina. Someone who could make a bloody vow and keep it.

The two women watched as the Eligius crew crawled all opening like ants.

‘Do you have a plan?’ Octavia asked.

‘No. I just know that I want us all to be safe. And these guys don’t exactly look like peace-loving pacifists. We got off to a bad start.’

‘So I heard,’ Octavia said with a wink.

‘Of course you did.’

‘We’ll find a way, diplomatic or otherwise,’ Octavia said. ‘I’ve heard so much about the valley. It sounds like it’s worth a little bit of trouble.’

‘It really is.’

Octavia jostled Clarke’s shoulder. ‘I know for you it’s been a long time, but I feel like I’ve been having conversations with you for four years.’

‘I know the feeling,’ Clarke glanced in Bellamy’s direction. Bellamy was watching them with a confused look, clearly reluctant to interrupt while they were acting so uncharacteristically friendly. He was called away by an Eligius goon from outside.

‘He looks wholesome,’ Octavia said. ‘Almost civilised.’

‘Almost,’ Clarke agreed.

‘The radio logs are secured,’ Octavia promised. ‘I won’t destroy them, but I won’t show them to anyone either. Unless you want me to.’

 Octavia would fight Clarke if she tried to delete them.

‘Thank you,’ Clarke said.

‘Octavia!’ Bellamy shouted from across the room. ‘Want to be the first one outside?’

The harness lifted her out of the hole and into sunlight so bright she had to shield her eyes. As she breathed in her first lungful of fresh air in six years, she whispered, ‘We’re back, bitches!’

 

 


	2. The Girl under the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia and Madi hang out.

Octavia sat down on the ground next to Madi, crossing her legs. Madi was rummaging around in her backpack, clearly looking for something. Clarke gave Octavia a sharp look of warning from across the clearing. Octavia lifted her weaponless hands and mimed that she came in peace. Clarke rolled her eyes, but only relaxed by a tiny amount. They both knew that Octavia’s devoted guards were an ever-present threat. It was ridiculous that Octavia had actually felt the need to issue a command that they not shoot the outsider child under any circumstances. It was plain scary that she knew they would ignore her command if they deemed it necessary. Octavia had only let herself approach Madi once she was sure she had level-headed guards on duty, and was deliberately sitting in a position where she could intercept any attacks that slipped through. Once, Clarke would have trusted her to do that. Now, she knew that Clarke had only let her approach Madi because Raven and Murphy were standing nearby, performing a guard duty of their own. The whole situation made her feel like a monster, like the big bad wolf. But she needed to talk to this kid. When Madi had shown up at the bunker with Bellamy’s crew in tow, Clarke had only allowed a rapid formal introduction before whisking Madi off for a private reunion. During their brief interaction Octavia had seen an eagerness in Madi’s eyes that matched her own. There was a thread of connection between them, woven through Clarke’s bedtime stories to Madi and her radio confessions. Octavia felt a really strong urge to pull on that thread.

Madi smiled in victory as she tugged out a crinkled sheet of paper from her bag. She bounced back a little in shock when she lifted her eyes and finally noticed Octavia sitting before her, but the smile only grew wider. That was a welcome surprise. Octavia was both feared and respected by her people, even loved by a select few. But they never smiled when she walked into a room.

‘What’s that?’ Octavia asked. She coughed to clear her throat when her voice came out croaky. She wasn’t used to all of this dust. It was seeping into her pores. She had exchanged the monotony of the bunker’s grey walls for miles of red dirt. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if it was an improvement. But then she would at the sky, and think that the sweet blue was the most beautiful colour she had ever seen. She could stare at it forever.

Madi spread the sheet out over Octavia’s lap, smoothing out the wrinkles.

‘It’s you,’ Madi said.

_That’s wrong_ , Octavia thought, even as she took in all of the familiar features. Clarke was a talented artist. The drawing was all in black charcoal and it was a little smudged, but it was unmistakably her. The eyes, the hair, the curve of her mouth. And yet it wasn’t. It felt like whiplash, like being slapped in the face. Octavia and not-Octavia.

Madi’s voice snapped her out of her trance. ‘Well, it’s the old you. From before Praimfaya. I asked Clarke once to draw what she thought you looked like now, but she said that she couldn’t, that you were growing up so fast that she couldn’t keep up. She says the same thing about me.’

Octavia lifted her head, and focused on Madi, pushing the drawing aside into a locked box in her head until she could think again. She had gotten good at that. Oddly, she saw more of herself in Madi than in the drawing. She barely knew that past Octavia anymore. But Madi was real. Madi loved berries and hated mushrooms. She had grown two inches in the last year. She had once sprained her ankle trying to climb a tree. She was brave and clever and quick on her feet. It was like Clarke had been Octavia’s eyes and ears, watching this little girl grow up. And now Octavia knew one more thing, something she had seen with her own eyes. Madi had a beautiful smile.

‘Thank you,’ Octavia said softly. Maybe she would show the drawing to Clarke, tease her a little. Clarke was spending too much time inside her own head lately. Once, Bellamy would have been the one to draw Clarke out. Since the rest of his little space family had returned after making a daring escape from the Elegius crew, he had distanced himself from both Clarke and Octavia. Maybe she and Madi could work out a way to fix things, to bring them all together. It would be a nice distraction from her inability to fix herself.

They sat in silence for a while. It was a comfortable silence. After a while Octavia found herself absentmindedly drawing patterns in the dirt with a stick. She felt her stick get knocked to the side, and then saw that Madi had been copying her drawings with a stick of her own. Madi gave her a sheepish smile in apology. Octavia narrowed her eyes and hit Madi’s stick in return, and then they were waving their sticks at each other like little swords, battling over the premium drawing space where the ground was flattest. In the end, Octavia let Madi win, but the girl narrowed her eyes, and Octavia suspected she wasn’t fooled by her acting. Bellamy had always let her win. Octavia had found it annoying at the time, but now she was grateful. Young Octavia hadn’t had many other victories on the Ark. She was glad that things were different for Madi. Clarke had often grumbled into the radio about Madi’s wild adventures in the valley, climbing everything and approaching any living creature that wandered by with no fear. The pride in her voice was obvious, and Octavia had felt it too.

Octavia laid back on the ground and started to hum. Soon Madi joined in, and they tried to out-hum each other. It was a simple melody, almost like a bird song, with a jaunty beat. Da-da-do-da-do…

When the song was over, Madi turned to Octavia with a questioning look. ‘How did you know that song? I thought I made it up last year.’

‘You did,’ Octavia said, blushing a little. It had been a long time since her last blush, but something about Madi brought out all the feelings of childhood that she thought she had killed. ‘Clarke used to sing it on the radio sometimes.’

Madi sat up sharply. ‘You heard her? On the radio?’

‘Yes,’ Octavia said. ‘I heard her. And you, sometimes, if you were close by.’ Octavia had never heard Madi speak directly on the radio. It seemed like Clarke’s private ritual.

Madi scrunched up her nose and thought about it for a few moments. ‘That’s nice,’ she said. ‘Clarke was lonely sometimes. Bellamy didn’t hear, did he?’

Octavia turned on her side, resting her head on her elbow. Madi mirrored her.

 ‘No,’ Octavia said. ‘He doesn’t know anything about the radio.’

‘Good,’ Madi said. ‘I like Bellamy, but I don’t think he would have understood. Not really.’

They had moved closet and started whispering, conscious of the many eyes that were on them.

‘I wouldn’t underestimate my brother,’ Octavia said. ‘He’s smarter than he looks. And he was close to Clarke, the last time we were all on the ground together. They went through a lot.’

‘I know,’ Madi said emphatically. ‘I’ve heard all of the stories. But I don’t think he really gets Clarke anymore. Not like you do. Clarke told me that space is really far away. Things must be different up there.’

‘Not so different,’ Octavia said with a sigh.

Madi moved in even closer. ‘Octavia, are we going to war?’

‘I hope not.’ Octavia could see from the look on Madi’s face that she needed more. There was a hint of reproach in her gaze, like she was willing Octavia to step up. It was one of Clarke’s signature stares. ‘I’ll do everything in my power to stop that from happening. We all will.’

Octavia was glad that those words were true, because she didn’t have it in her to lie to Madi. There was a time when Octavia would have been glad for any battle to fight, something clear cut and simple, black and white. Us versus them. But now all she wanted was peace. She wanted what Clarke and Madi had. Their life in the valley hadn’t been a blissful Eden. Octavia knew they had their fair share of troubles. But their life had still been beautiful, far better than anything she could remember, on the Ark, on the ground or in the bunker. She had clutched that radio like a lifeline, and wished with all her heart and soul that she could join them. She still wanted that, for herself and for her people. And she knew, with every fibre of her being, that war wasn’t the path to achieving that.

Octavia heard Indra calling her, so she stood up and dusted off her clothes, turning to say goodbye to Madi. The girl hugged her tightly. She was so small, but so strong. All Octavia could do was hug her back.

‘I’m glad I got to meet you Octavia,’ Madi mumbled into her shirt.

Octavia ruffled Madi’s hair. ‘Me too kid.’

Octavia was waylaid on her path to Indra by a firm grip on her arm. She turned to find Clarke’s serious eyes boring a hole into her head.

‘Don’t let her down Octavia. It would break her heart.’

‘I won’t,’ Octavia said gently. ‘I promise.’

It would have been easy to take offense, but Octavia could see the crippling anxiety behind Clarke’s words. This wasn’t just about her. Because she had listened to countless radio calls from Clarke in the middle of the night, because they now shared something that couldn’t be put into words, Octavia knew Clarke’s biggest fear. ‘ _We_ won’t let her down.


	3. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia asks Clarke some annoying questions.

Clarke felt Octavia tense up beside her again. They were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder as they went over Clarke’s map of the valley, and Clarke could feel Octavia’s every movement. Octavia’s restlessness was really getting on her nerves. Every time Octavia moved she knocked the map out of position, and Clarke had to waste time moving it back into the fading sunlight so they could see it. They had squeezed in to a small space between some bunker wreckage to block out the noise of the outside world. Octavia was unable to resist peering over the edge of the debris every few minutes, to check on the makeshift Wonkru camp.

Clarke snapped her fingers at Octavia. ‘Focus! The border on the West is where the trees are thickest…’

‘Doesn’t it bother you?’ Octavia blurted out, anger radiating from her pores.

‘No. And it shouldn’t bother you either. They seem happy. Bellamy deserves that.’ The first time Octavia had been distracted from the map, Clarke had followed her gaze to see Bellamy and Echo kissing. The time after that Octavia had actually growled just because Bellamy had shared his rations with Echo. It was a safe guess that a similar scene was the source of Octavia’s present irritation.

‘She doesn’t,’ Octavia spat out. ‘She was banished for good reason. She’s a snake.’

Clarke put down her map with a regretful sigh. She had known this conversation was coming. Octavia was getting more worked up about the relationship as time passed by. It had been three days since they had witnessed Bellamy’s passionate reunion with his girlfriend, the girlfriend he hadn’t bothered to mention to either of them. Octavia’s glares and mutterings were becoming more violent every hour. Clarke had used all the methods of distraction at her disposal to prevent Octavia from confronting Bellamy, but it was getting harder and harder. Clarke knew that she had to be the one to defuse this bomb. She couldn’t explain why exactly, but she felt it in her bones. She thought that Octavia knew it too, which was why she put up with Clarke’s anxious hovering. Despite her anger, Octavia didn’t want to fight with her brother after six years apart. And Clarke _really_ didn’t want to be stuck in the middle. She took a deep breath, and reminded herself that a war between the Blake siblings would be bad news for everyone.

‘A person can change a lot in six years,’ Clarke said. ‘The people who shared her algae in space like her. They have a better perspective than you do. Don’t you trust Raven’s judgement? Monty’s?’

‘All that algae probably went to their heads.’

‘Madi likes her too.’

 ‘Madi doesn’t know her. The kid spent six years with one single human being. Everyone else must seem like aliens to her.’

Clarke was forcefully reminded that Octavia had spent her first _sixteen_ years in contact with just two people. Had she considered Clarke an alien when they first met? That would explain a lot. ‘Madi knows what I’ve told her.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’

‘Echo wasn’t all bad, even back then. She was devoted to her clan. Brave. A fierce warrior. I could see it, in the moments before Praimfaya. Her spirit. I knew that when I failed to show up they would take her with them. I knew that they would grow to like her. It was inevitable.’

‘Stop acting like Saint Clarke. She took your place, practically stole your life. Just admit it. It drives you crazy! ’

‘No, it doesn’t,’ Clarke whispered. ‘I’ve been on the edge of crazy so many times in the last six years, this doesn’t even come close.’ It was a blatant lie. Sometimes it did come close, sometimes it brought her right to the edge of the abyss, thinking about the maybes and what ifs. But today was a good day. Today she felt almost sane. And she could stay that way, if only she could get Octavia to focus on the maps. Clarke reached to pick up the map, but Octavia held it hostage with a fierce grip and a stubborn glare.

Clarke gave in. ‘I’ll admit, I feel a little sad sometimes. That I don’t fit in with them anymore, that we can’t connect the way we used to. But that has nothing to do with Echo. There isn’t a finite amount of caring a person can do. If Echo had never gotten on that rocket, we would still be in the same position. It’s just time and distance and the cruelty of the universe. It’s growing up and growing apart.’

‘I always wanted so badly to grow up, to outgrow the floorboards,’ Octavia whispered.

And then Octavia was sobbing into Clarke’s shoulder, shaking with the force of it, ruining Clarke’s best shirt with tears and snot. Clarke just sat there and stroked her hair, murmuring soothing nonsense, the kind of things she would say to Madi when she woke from a nightmare. She knew that the words didn’t matter. Octavia wouldn’t hear any of it through the barrier of her overwhelming grief. For six years Octavia had had to be the strong one, the unshakeable leader. Clarke knew that burden intimately. She wasn’t feeling so strong herself these days, but Octavia needed her to pretend. Clarke couldn’t wave it all away with a magic wand. All she could do was witness her pain, show her that she wasn’t alone. She had a premonition that she would need Octavia to return the favour in the near future.

Gradually Octavia’s sobs turned into sniffles, and then to silence. She didn’t make any move to clean herself up. They were both beyond showing such vanity with each other.

Clarke looked Octavia in the eye, ignoring her ragged appearance. There were some things that were best said and heard when dignity had broken down completely, when you were left with nothing but the truth. ‘I wasn’t always there for you, before Praimfaya. I’ve had a lot of time to think about that. To think about everything.’

Octavia sat up straighter. ‘I resented you for that sometimes. I guess some part of me put you in the same category as Bellamy, someone who owed me their attention and indulgence, even in the middle of a crisis. And then I took it out on you. It was childish.’

Clarke shook her head. ‘I did owe you that, after everything we’ve been through. You just always seemed so strong and independent. I told myself you didn’t need or want my help. I should have given it to you anyway.’

‘It goes both ways Clarke. How could I demand what I wasn’t willing to give in return?’ Octavia groaned and banged her head against the metal sheet behind her. ‘Damn it. That’s my problem with Bellamy right there, isn’t it?’

Clarke gave her a sympathetic look. ‘Yep.’

Octavia kicked up some dust with her boots. ‘Fine, you win. I’ll make nice with Echo.’

‘Good.’

Octavia gave her a sly look. ‘But answer this first. You have thought about my brother in _that way_ , haven’t you? Everyone else has.’

‘Octavia Blake,’ she said firmly, using her ‘mum’ voice. I’m not going into details of my love life or lack thereof with you. You already know that I spent six years in forced celibacy. That’s sad enough without getting into the gory details of any delirious fantasies I may have suffered from when I was dehydrated or starving or going crazy.’

Octavia gave her a punch on the shoulder in response. Even though it was a friendly punch, Clarke still thought her shoulder would bruise. ‘You’re no fun.’

Clarke wasn’t sure how to phrase her question tactfully. ‘Was there anyone…’

‘No,’ Octavia said with a bitter laugh. ‘Have you seen the way they all look at me? I would feel slimy, taking advantage of that. Doesn’t exactly leave me with a lot of options, does it?’

‘That will fade. Trust me. And maybe the Elegius crew have a few eligible bachelors.’

This time Clarke dodged the punch.

Octavia looked up at her with a slight pout. ‘I’m not alone in this, am I Clarke? You feel the jealousy too, that jagged feeling that makes you feel like you’re going slowly insane. Please just tell me the truth. You’re the only person I can talk to about this.’

Clarke wondered where Octavia had learnt to be so manipulative. She knew all the right buttons to push. She guessed that listening to all of those one-sided radio calls had given Octavia an unfair advantage in their relationship. And Octavia was stubborn as a rock. She would keep pushing until Clarke surrendered. It was getting cold. All she wanted was to go sit by the fire, give Madi a hug. She hadn’t seen her in hours. ‘Yes, I feel jealous of them in a million different ways. Like you, a selfish part of me wanted Bellamy to myself. I wanted the friend I used to have, the partner I could turn to for anything.’ And for the smallest moment, she had thought she was going to get that. Bellamy had shown up to rescue her, alone, and when their eyes met it had felt like the two of them against the world again. But then reality had gradually set in, and she had known their old friendship was broken, maybe beyond repair.

Octavia opened her mouth to speak, but Clarke punched _her_ in the shoulder this time. It wasn’t very satisfactory revenge. Clarke just couldn’t punch as hard as Octavia.

‘And no, I don’t want Bellamy as a boyfriend.’ It was true on most days. The more she saw Bellamy with Echo, the truer it became. They were so in sync, so at ease with each other, with their intimacy. She just couldn’t picture herself in that kind of relationship with anyone. She wasn’t even sure she really wanted it. Over the last six years she had been lonely, but she hadn’t had her heart broken. Sometimes she thought that was a fair exchange.

Clarke picked up the map and stood up. She dropped it on Octavia’s head. ‘Memorise it. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.’

She stalked off towards the fire, and saw Octavia get up and head towards her tent a few seconds later without a backwards glance. At least she was holding the map. Maybe Clarke had been a little abrupt in her goodbye, but she didn’t want to give Octavia the chance to call her a liar.

‘Hey,’ Bellamy called out, interrupting her glaring in Octavia’s direction. ‘Is O alright?’

Clarke realised he must have seen the evidence of Octavia’s tears. ‘She’ll be fine. She just had some things to let out.’

She thought that she detected some jealousy in Bellamy’s gaze, jealousy that Octavia would open up to her and not him. She fought the urge to burst into hysterical laughter. The Blake siblings would be the death of her some day, she was sure of it.

‘Clarke,’ Bellamy said quietly, ‘is my little sister still in there?’ Clarke knew that he was still wrestling with the Bloodreina persona. He was feeling the distance between them as much as Octavia was.

‘She’s still in there,’ Clarke said. ‘Trust me.’

‘I always have.’ There was an intensity in his eyes that had no right to be there.

Clarke cleared her throat. ‘She’ll come talk to you later. Just give her time.’

She made to move away, deciding she was warm enough now.

Bellamy stopped her with a gentle touch on her arm. ‘Would you stay, please? We have a lot of catching up to do as well.’

Clarke avoided his eyes, knowing that was the only way to stay strong enough. ‘No, sorry, I have to find Madi. We can talk in the morning. Goodnight.’ She dashed off before she could change her mind. Octavia could be the one to break that ice, to make her peace with Bellamy first. Then it would be less awkward when it was Clarke’s turn. Octavia owed her that after asking so many annoying questions. Clarke would have her long overdue talk with Bellamy later, when Octavia’s insinuations weren’t echoing through her head. When Bellamy’s features weren’t framed by the firelight, when his voice wasn’t so warm and inviting. She laughed aloud when she realised that her ideal scenario was talking to Bellamy in a dark room, through the static of her radio. Only this time he would be talking back.


	4. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madi waits at the Wonkru camp in suspense as Clarke and Octavia hold peace talks with Diyoza.

Madi had been pacing back and forth for twenty minutes. She knew because she had timed the walk from the tent to the rover at thirty seconds, and she had made forty laps. She had vowed not to ask Bellamy for news until she reached lap fifty, but he must have read the anxiety on her face.

‘Settle down kid,’ he said with a wry grin. ‘If you’re not careful you’ll tunnel down into the bunker.’

Madi twisted around to face him. ‘Are they okay? Are they there yet?’

‘They’re approaching now. Everything looks normal. Diyoza kept her word about the number of guards, as far as they can tell. It’s all going as planned.’

Madi wanted to believe him, but he was clutching the radio very tightly. She wished it were someone else on radio duty, someone more neutral, so she could read their expressions. Bellamy would worry himself sick until he saw Clarke and Octavia walk back into the camp in one piece, no matter what came through on the radio. That was why Madi hadn’t volunteered for the job, even though she was the one who knew the radio best. But Bellamy hadn’t been able to resist, so Madi came along for moral support. If he was going to suffer, she didn’t want him to suffer alone. The rest of Bellamy’s crew from space must have had the same thought, because they were all within calling distance, though they were occupied with their own tasks. The whole of Wonkru wanted to listen in on the radio call, but that would create chaos, so only Bellamy’s space crew and Octavia’s council were listening in. The council were using a second radio on the other side of the camp, in case something went wrong with the first one. Miller was in charge of Radio Two. Abby had invited Madi to join her at Radio Two, but she was happier here.

They were all waiting for the result of the peace talks. The optimistic wording had been Monty’s idea. Some of the Wonkru people used more colourful ters, but Monty was well-liked, so they wouldn’t say them to his face. Ironically, there had been more than one screaming fight about Bellamy’s exclusion from the peace talks. At one stage she had thought he and Octavia would actually come to blows, until Clarke called them both children and took their weapons away. Madi had been offended. Even she knew not to point a weapon at someone unless she meant to use it. Instead, there had been a war of words. Clarke and Octavia had thrown out every argument they could think of. Bellamy would function better as back-up. Eligius would try to use him as a hostage against Octavia. He was out of practice on the ground. In the end, it was duty and sentimentality that won him over. Clarke had told him, with a gooey look in her eyes, that he was the only one she would trust with Madi, and how could Bellamy say no to that, when she would be the one protecting _his_ sister? Madi thought Clarke was laying it on a bit thick. She knew from years of Clarke’s stories that she would have entrusted her to Raven, Monty or Abby in a heartbeat. Madi had said so to Octavia, who had ruffled her hair and called her a smart kid. Octavia had said that sometimes you just needed to make a dramatic speech to get your point across. And that as much as Clarke trusted the others, Bellamy was special. Then before Madi could ask what she meant by special, Octavia had asked Madi to watch out for her idiot brother, raising her voice so Bellamy could hear. Bellamy had rolled his eyes at her, but the intense frown he’d worn since the date was set for the peace talks was as strong as ever.

It didn’t fade as Echo handed Bellamy a warm mug of Monty’s new ‘tea’, but his shoulders relaxed a little as he leaned into her shoulder. Echo handed the other mug to Madi, and Madi curled up on the floor by their feet. She had spent a lot of time with the space crew lately. It was amazing, to see the heroes of her bedtime stories come to life. She had known that someday she might meet them. Clarke had told her for six years that they would return to Earth when the time was right. It was the ending to every story, the epilogue. But she hadn’t really _believed_. Once the shock wore off, she had been able to fit in with them naturally, like she belonged. She felt like she had been preparing for it her whole life. She and Harper had talked about it. They weren’t just being nice to a lonely kid, they felt it on their end too, the sense of instant connection. Harper had replied to her pointed questions with the answer that yes, they were drawn to the parts of her that came from Clarke, their lost friend, but they loved Madi for herself too.

Clarke was still their lost friend. Clarke thought she didn’t belong with them anymore, and it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more she drew away from them, the further away she was. Madi knew that Clarke was uncomfortable with how much time Madi spent with them. It made her feel awkward and wistful. But Madi kept going to them, kept being a tie from Clarke’s new life to her old one. Clarke had done the same for her. She had kept Madi’s heritage as alive as she possibly could, from the remains of the valley and her meagre memories of life before Praimfaya. Clarke was insecure and stubborn, but she was also smart. Every time Clarke dropped by to pick up Madi, her eyes and ears picked up little cues of how much her friends missed her, how much they still cared. And eventually she would break through her denial, absorb that information and really _feel_ it. It was just like when Clarke and Madi had first met. Madi had been like a feral animal, and Clarke had gotten through to her slowly, with baby steps. Madi had learnt from the best, and she thought that this time she could beat Clarke in patience and sheer stubbornness. Octavia was a harder nut to crack. She was hanging out with Bellamy and Madi all the time now, but she would turn on Bloodreina mode if anyone else dared approach, even her old friends. Where Clarke was distant, Octavia was downright icy. If Clarke came back into the fold first, then Octavia would follow. Madi just knew it.

No one was trying particularly hard to integrate the outsiders into Wonkru. They had lost some of their initial hostility, but they still weren’t overly welcoming. They all hoped that the valley would change things. Except Murphy. He was selfishly happy with his small family, and he didn’t want to share them with the others. Madi saw the pitying looks the others gave him when he voiced that attitude, but she felt the same way. All she wanted was a family. And it was right there waiting for her. Clarke, Octavia and Bellamy could worry about building a society, about the bigger picture. She just wanted to help Monty with his garden, ply Raven with questions about space and laugh at Murphy’s jokes. But she wanted to do all of that in the valley. In her valley, her home. So here they all sat, staring at a radio, and praying that Clarke and Octavia could perform a diplomatic miracle.

The familiar static came through again as Madi drained her mug, but they could only hear Clarke whisper ‘we’re going in, I’ll call you when we’re on our way back,’ before it went silent again. They all knew that unless something went wrong, they wouldn’t hear from Clarke or Octavia again until the peace talks were over, one way or another. And that could take hours.

‘Not much detail,’ Monty murmured. ‘Do you think someone was listening?’

Raven broke the tension with a laugh. ‘Short and sweet. If I have to hear “may we meet again” one more time I might scream.’

Harper shrugged. ‘It’s a nice tradition.’

Murphy scoffed. ‘I’m with you Raven. None of this “may” bullshit. If you want to meet someone again, you make it happen. You walk through the fire and get burned if you have to. And no one’s better at that than Clarke and Octavia.’ He gave Madi a wink. He was telling her that he knew she knew that he was only being lame and trying to make her feel better, but that he hoped it would work anyway.

It was that honesty that made her sit next to him by the fire and give him her best pleading look. ‘Will you tell me a story, to pass the time?’

Murphy rolled his eyes, but proceeded to tell a bawdy tale about a pirate and his quest to find a golden slipper for his sore and ugly feet. From the glares Bellamy sent his way, she thought he was taking some inspiration from real events. She definitely recognised some of Bellamy’s words from Clarke’s stories. When Clarke repeated them they were earnest and wise speeches, but coming from Murphy’s mouth they were hilarious. At one point Madi saw Raven wrestle the radio out of Bellamy’s grip, and point towards the campfire. Bellamy reluctantly wandered over and took a seat on the other side of Madi, arms crossed. Raven and Echo were taking a shift of radio duty. Against her will, Madi’s eyes started to flutter closed in the midst of a dramatic pirate battle, and she drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up, Madi was leaning against Bellamy, practically in his lap. She yawned and apologised, knowing from Clarke’s teasing that she was a restless sleeper. He rubbed a spot on his arm where he claimed she had kicked him in her sleep, but promised to forgive her in exchange for a cup of tea. She gave him a quick salute before running off on her errand. Her muscles were a little stiff, but she was used to sleeping in weird positions. She had a bedroom of sorts back home, but in reality she slept all over the valley, moving between hideouts she’d made in different buildings, huddling into the rover, or sleeping under the stars if the weather was nice. Here she always slept in her tent with Clarke, because more people meant more danger, so it was nice to sleep out in the open air again for a change.

It was still light out, and when she got back to the campfire Raven confirmed that she’d only been asleep for two hours. Raven said there had been a brief check-in from Octavia an hour ago, just a few whispered words to let them know they were still safe. Madi was sorry that she’d missed it. With her renewed energy after her nap also came more anxiety. The last time she and Clarke had been apart this long was when Clarke was being held hostage by Eligius. Anything could have happened to her and Octavia by now. Madi hovered by the radio until Echo offered to teach her some warrior training exercises to get her out of the way. Bellamy took her place by the radio, and Echo dragged Madi a few metres away to an empty spot, still within shouting distance. She demonstrated a basic pose, with her feet a stride apart and her arm outstretched. Madi tried to copy her, and Echo corrected her posture. She told her to take slow breaths, and be still. At first Madi felt silly, but then a feeling of peace came over her. They cycled through a few more poses. They barely spoke, but Madi appreciated Echo’s presence, silent and strong. She felt like she was breathing in some of her strength. It was so quiet that Madi could hear the static of the radio when it came to life, even from so far away. She ran back to the group at full speed, Echo by her side. When she heard Clarke’s voice come over the radio, Madi grabbed Bellamy’s hand in hers. He only glanced at her briefly before giving the radio his full attention again, but he squeezed her hand back.

‘We did it! We’re getting the valley back!’

There was a loud cheer as the news spread through the Wonkru camp from both radios, and they had to lean closer to hear.

‘We’re about an hour’s drive away. Octavia will tell you everything while I drive. We’ll see you really soon.’

Clarke passed the radio to Octavia, and then Octavia recounted the peace talks as they all listened intently. No one, except for maybe Monty and Harper, had really thought the peace talks would actually work. It turned out the Eligius crew had been willing to bargain in exchange for medical help with a mysterious disease. And although she hadn’t said it outright, Octavia speculated that Diyoza didn’t have much faith in her rough and violent soldiers to keep the valley alive. They could have their fun in the valley for a short time and then die, or aim for something more long-term. Eligius and Wonkru would switch places. Eligius would take the bunker and slowly bring their people out of cryo as they were treated. Now that the bunker had been cracked open, it was no longer a stale prison. Eligius could give it new life. Wonkru would get the valley if they cured Eligius and gave them the resources they needed to live comfortably in the bunker. Eventually, they would talk again about integrating their two camps. It wouldn’t be easy. The plan was still far too optimistic, and there were people on both sides who would try their best to break the truce, to bring things to a bloody war. But it was a start, and it was far more than they had yesterday.

Madi knew the path the rover would take back to the camp, so she went out as far as Bellamy would let her to wait. She listened to Bellamy’s stern warnings not to wander off as he drew a line in the dirt with a stick. Madi could see that bossing her around was Bellamy’s way of keeping his worry under control, so she sat down on the ground right behind the line without argument, giving him a sweet smile. He looked suspicious, but Monty was calling his name, so he left her to her waiting. She stood up when she saw a speck of colour in the distance. The landscape was flat and featureless, so she knew not to be deceived by her eyes. The rover was still a long way off. She carefully wiped out Bellamy’s line with her foot, stepped forward a few metres and drew a new line. There were no landmarks around, so there was no way for Bellamy to tell the difference. She performed the same action a few times, until she looked back and saw Murphy watching her, shaking his head. She stuck her tongue out at him and decided that she had bent the rules far enough.

She was practically bouncing on her feet when the rover finally pulled up in the camp. A crowd was gathering behind her to greet the heroes of the day, but Madi ignored them. The second the rover stopped she flew forward, and she collided with Clarke as she stepped out of the car. Clarke returned her hug fiercely. ‘It’s okay Madi. We’re all going to be okay now. Shh.’

Madi didn’t realise she was crying until she pulled away. She wiped at her eyes furiously. ’They’re happy tears. I just really wanted to go back home.’

‘Soon, I promise.’

‘I’m really proud of you Clarke,’ Madi said.

Clarke looked surprised and a little amused, but Madi could tell that the simple words meant a lot to her. ‘I’m proud of you too Madi. Every day.’

Then the crowd finally caught up with them. Everyone was there, wanting a piece of Clarke’s attention. She greeted all of her friends, and tried to be polite to the curious Wonkru interrogators, but Madi could see that she was feeling the strain. It was a long day for them, but it must have felt longer to Clarke and Octavia. Bellamy pushed through the crowd, shouldering people out of his way without mercy. He pulled Clarke and Madi in for a hug. They didn’t exchange any words, at least not out loud, but when the hug ended Clarke’s smile was twice as bright. Octavia waved them over from the other side of the crowd. She had already escaped and was keeping everyone at bay with her Bloodreina stare. They joined her, and then walked a little way up the hill, as their friends joined them one by one. Monty and Harper were holding hands and having an excited conversation. Raven was lost in her thoughts, probably working through some of the big engineering problems ahead of them. Echo was scanning the crowd below, keeping a watchful eye on things. Abby was trying and failing to get her daughter’s attention to talk medicine. Bellamy and Octavia were having an argument while Indra and Miller watched on. Murphy was trying to look cool and detached, but Emori teased him about the smile trying to break through. Eventually things settled down when Clarke called for order, and they all looked out over the Wonkru camp in silence. No one seemed to know what to say, where to start. They had hoped for success, but they hadn’t planned for it.

Madi stepped forward. ‘Clarke, can I get the drawings of the valley from the tent? Everyone should get to see their new home.’

Clarke smiled at her. ‘That’s a great idea Madi. Yes, go. But hurry back. We have a lot of celebrating to do.’

Madi ran off through the crowd, slipping between people and objects without pause. She was out of breath when she reached the tent. She opened her bag, and pulled out the drawings. They were right on top, ready and waiting. She had spent ages digging through Clarke’s collection yesterday to find them all. They weren’t her favourites. They were very pretty, but she could see the valley in her head whenever she wanted to, clear as day. She had always loved the drawings of the people, of the wild and wonderful characters who had been in Clarke’s world before Madi. But now it was time to share her world with them, to invite them in. It was her dream come true. It was also just the beginning.

 

 


	5. Down by the River

Clarke was sitting in the medical clinic, writing down notes about her latest treatment session with Eligius. It had been promising. After three months of failed experiments and setbacks, she thought they were finally at the stage where things would take an upward trajectory. The scientific part of her instructed her to keep her notes dry and factual, to avoid letting hope and intuition trickle in. But if six years of being one of the only two humans roaming the surface of the planet had taught her anything, it was that everything mattered. Every little artefact she had found among the rubble had been important, had helped her survive. And sometimes the feelings behind the facts were the most useful part. It was only practical to write down her gut feelings. She was interrupted mid-sentence by the static of the radio.

‘Clarke, you there?’ Octavia asked.

Her voice was calm, which meant no emergency, so Clarke took a few seconds to finish her train of thought.

‘Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, Clarke Claaarke…’ Octavia started singing out her name, and Clarke could hear some echoes in the background that sounded suspiciously like Madi and Murphy. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know what that trio was up to, but she eventually had to give in and pick up the radio before Octavia drove her insane.

‘Yes, I’m here. What on Earth do you want Octavia? I’m busy.’

‘Found some greenish-orange berries by the wood shed. Do you think they’ll work in a stew? The food’s been a little bland lately.’

‘Don’t touch them. They’re poisonous. Didn’t Madi tell you that?’

‘Madi didn’t remember.’ There was a pause. ‘So, say someone had eaten a handful of them. Would they die, or just spend the rest of the day puking?’

‘Who, Octavia? Was it Murphy? He can’t be in too much pain if that’s his laughter I can hear in the background.’

There was a thump and some swearing.

Madi’s voice came over the radio. ‘Just come Clarke, please? We’re by the wood shed. Hurry.’

Something didn’t add up. Madi had an excellent memory, and she was meticulous when it came to plants. There had been too many accidents when they were living in the valley on their own. Their knowledge of edible food had been hard-won. But there had been a note of pleading in Madi’s voice. Something was wrong. Maybe Octavia’s playfulness was just a cover for her fear. The wood shed was on the other side of camp, but if she ran she could make it in ten minutes. She just prayed that would be fast enough.

Clarke made it in eight minutes, sweaty and out of breath. She pulled up short as she rounded past the dining hall and caught sight of three solemn faces. She dropped her pack to the ground hard. Those were not the faces of three people worried about death by poisonous berries. Those were the faces of three people trying to keep a straight face and keep the laughter in. The faces of three soon-to-be-dead people.

‘What is going on here?’ Clarke demanded, hands on her hips. ‘Is this some kind of prank? You don’t joke about poison!’

Octavia and Murphy had the sense to look ashamed, but Madi stepped forward boldly.

‘It’s for your own good,’ she said. ‘Things can’t go on this way. You need to fix it.’

‘Fix what? I don’t know what you-‘

She found herself shoved from behind, through the door of the wood shed where she collided with something hard and then fell to the ground. She heard the click of the door locking behind her. When had they put a lock on the wood shed?

‘You can come out when you make up!’ Octavia shouted. ‘This silly fight has gone on long enough.’

Clarke groaned, starting to form an idea of what was happening. A horrifying idea. Sure enough, when she looked up, she saw Bellamy leaning against the wall of the shed. He waved at her.

When she made no movement, he stepped forward cautiously, holding out his hand. ‘Do you need…?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘I’ve got it.’ She braced her hand against the door as she pulled herself up. Then she twisted the doorknob, just to be sure. Locked. ‘What kind of wood shed needs a lock on the inside?’

Bellamy coughed. ‘Well, we were originally trying to make a toilet, but the location was no good. Too close to the dining hall. The smell… Madi was the one to point that out.’

‘The little brat. This plan has Octavia written all over it, but Madi seems to have been the real brains of the operation.’

‘They aren’t wrong Clarke. We need to talk about this fight.’

When she had first been shoved in, Bellamy had seemed a bit nervous, but now he was quickly gaining confidence. That was dangerous. The sooner they got out of here the better. She tried pushing at the door again with no luck. ‘We aren’t fighting.’

‘Oh? Is that why you haven’t spoken to me in two weeks? Did you just spontaneously decide to give me the silent treatment for a few laughs?’

She was suddenly glad for the lack of light in the shed, so she didn’t have to see the hurt and anger on Bellamy’s face. ‘I owe you an explanation. I know that. But not like this. It smells in here, and I wouldn’t put it past those rascals to bug the place.’ There were a few suspicious noises outside that supported her theory.

‘When then? How much longer are you going to hide from me? A month? A year?’

She moved closer, careful not to touch him, and then whispered in his ear. ‘Tomorrow at dawn. By the river, a mile East of the bridge. I’ll explain, I promise.’ She stepped back as soon as the last word was out of her mouth, and immediately felt the lack of his body warmth. He had held himself completely still, but she had still been close enough to feel his breath against her hair. Too close.

He nodded.

‘Now, do you want to do the honours?’ Clarke asked, gesturing to the door. ‘Or should I?’

‘I’ll do it,’ he said firmly. ‘They had me locked in here for forty minutes before you showed up.’

Clarke moved away from the door so Bellamy could get closer to it.

‘Listen up idiots! You are going to let us out right now, or I’ll have the lot of you on waste disposal duty for a month. Clarke and I will work our shit out on our own. You will all keep your noses out of it.’

Clarke could have sworn his voice was making the shed shake. There were some whispers outside, but no reply.

‘I built this shed with my bare hands, I can take it apart that way too. Open up now!’

‘What’s the magic word?’ Murphy. The rat.

‘The magic word is sword. The sword I’m going to tell Emori all about if you don’t open up in five, four…’

Clarke had to shield her eyes as the shed was suddenly filled with light. ‘You’ll have to tell me that story sometime.’ She knew Echo had taught them a few tricks with a sword in space, but she couldn’t imagine what would embarrass Murphy like that. He always seemed so shameless.

Bellamy’s eyes were determined. ‘Not until you tell me yours. You promised.’

‘I did,’ she agreed. They locked gazes for a few moments, and then Bellamy turned away and blundered out of the shed. She could hear cries of pain as he unleashed his fury on their captors. It soon turned into sounds of laughter, and she could easily imagine Bellamy chasing Madi through the camp. She leaned back against the same wall Bellamy had been leaning against when she was shoved into the shed, and closed her eyes.

‘Clarke?’

‘Go away Octavia.’

‘We were just trying to-‘

‘Shut the door. Please.’

A few moments later she heard it slam shut again, this time without the click of the lock.

* * *

 

News spread around the camp fast. Clarke may have concealed their exact meeting spot, but their eavesdroppers knew there was a confrontation coming up, and they couldn’t keep a secret. For the rest of the day Clarke was bombarded with advice.

Raven stopped her on her way to lunch with a hand on her arm. ‘You know he’ll try to go easy on you, right? Bellamy’s a big softy deep down. But don’t let him. Don’t pull your punches. You’ll regret it later.’

‘We aren’t fighting,’ Clarke insisted. ‘There will be no punching, verbal or otherwise.’

Raven just gave her a sceptical look that spoke volumes. Clarke started to doubt her own words. Raven probably knew Bellamy better than she did now. Maybe he was itching was a fight?

After that, Clarke changed directions and went back to her tent. She wasn’t hungry after all.

Eventually she had to emerge for a bathroom break, which was when Murphy caught her and put in his two cents. ‘Don’t admit to anything and don’t apologise. If you keep your mouth shut long enough he’ll talk himself into taking the blame. But just between us pals, what did you do?’ Clarke punched him twice in the shoulder and walked off. The second punch was because she suspected he was the one who blabbed about the meeting.

She was still angry when she passed Echo on her way back to the tent, but she made an effort to supress it. The last thing she needed today was to start a fight with Echo. But then Echo, despite running through sword exercises every morning and night, wasn’t the fighting type these days. Her breakup with Bellamy two months ago had been as graceful as her swordsmanship. There had been no explosion, just a subtle separation of a once intimate couple. Clarke had sworn she didn’t want to know the details, despite everyone’s efforts to gossip her to death with them, and now that was coming back to bite her. Clarke had no idea how Echo felt about Bellamy, about her. Of all people, she would definitely know about the wild rumours flying around camp. It would be nice to know if Clarke could expect to wake up one day to a sword in her back. But Echo just nodded as she walked past, and Clarke nodded back. So it seemed she was out of immediate danger.

A few hours later, Clarke had decided her tent was no longer a good sanctuary. People had been dropping by on the flimsiest of excuses, either to ask her outright what was happening with Bellamy, or to get a good look at her and draw their own conclusions to gossip about. She really didn’t want to know what they had decided. Monty had reassured her she looked normal, but the hug he had given her in greeting had been a bit over the top, so she didn’t trust his words for a second. She had retreated to the medical clinic to do inventory as a distraction, but been surprised to find her mother there. She had expected her mother to be monitoring patients down at the bunker all day. The nervous expression on her face told Clarke that she had also heard the rumours, and thought them important enough to return early. Who had told her? Kane? Madi?

‘Good afternoon Clarke. Busy today?’ Abby was trying too hard to sound cheerful. It creeped Clarke out a little bit.

‘Not really. No injuries today, just some inventory. I’m fine here if you have more work to do at the bunker.’ She tried to be breezy as well, but she had gotten her terrible acting skills from her mother.

Abby placed her hand over Clarke’s. ‘Listen sweetheart, I heard that things have been a little difficult with Bellamy. I know how much he means to you. If there’s something you wanted to talk about…’

‘No,’ Clarke said emphatically. ‘Nothing to talk about. Nothing at all. I just really need to count these herbs, plan another gathering before we run out. It’s getting colder lately, all kinds of illnesses could crop up.’

Abby looked disappointed and relieved at the same time. ‘Well, then I guess I’ll run down to the bunker again. I just needed to grab some of these bandages. You know where to find me if you change your mind.’

‘Thanks mum. I’ll talk to you later.’

Thirty minutes and twenty jars of herbs later, Clarke was only just recovering from her conversation with her mother. So of course, that’s when Octavia showed up. Clarke looked her up and down as she walked through the door. She looked a little windswept, but that was all. Unlike Abby, she showed no sign of nervousness. ‘Any injuries?’

‘No.’ Octavia scanned the room, and then closed the door behind her when she confirmed they were alone. She jumped up to sit on the desk. Clarke knew not to waste her breath scolding her. At least it wasn’t a sterile surface, just a writing desk.

‘Well, can I help you with something else? Another meddlesome scheme?’

‘I could help you cheat.’

Clarke put down her notebook. ‘Cheat?’

‘With Bellamy. You could listen to the tapes. Anything you need to say to him is probably in there, right? Just recycle some of your old words. Boom, presto, speech done.’

She was uncomfortable at the reminder that Octavia had listened to some of her most private thoughts, so her words came out sharper than she meant them to. ‘You haven’t taken them out have you? I swear Octavia Blake, if you-‘

Octavia put her hand on her heart. ‘No, they’re buried deep. Promise. I would never show them to anyone, you know that. But why waste time coming up with something new? Isn’t there something in those tapes you still want to say to him?’

Clarke went back to her notebook, counting syringes. ‘No. We’re both different now. I need new words. And I can find them on my own. Butt out Octavia. This isn’t any of your business.’

Octavia just shook her head. ‘You know that isn’t true. But fine, I’ll let you do it your way. Just don’t screw it up.’ Octavia swept out the door, and then Clarke was alone again.

Later that night Madi crawled in next to her under the blanket. ‘It will be okay,’ she whispered. ‘Everything will be better tomorrow. You’ll see.’

‘I’m still mad at you.’ But Madi’s words and her warmth at her back helped her drift to sleep after hours of restless tossing and turning, so she supposed she had no choice but to forgive her.

* * *

 

Clarke sat by the river with her feet in the water. The water was a little too icy, but she took some comfort from it anyway. It was a familiar habit. There had been more than a few times over the years when she had just needed desperately to _feel_ something. Then she would return to the river, to any old spot on the bank. She would run her hands or feet through the cold water, savouring the sharp ache of it, until it turned into numbness. Then she would pull away, and return to the world of the living, rejecting that emptiness. Now, she pulled her feet out of the water after only a few seconds. The numbness was too enticing, in a way that it hadn’t been since the early days of her life after Praimfaya. It made her feel weak. She didn’t want Bellamy to think she was a coward. This was a conversation she couldn’t hide from, that she shouldn’t want to hide from.

She was lost in her thoughts when she heard a rustle nearby. She turned to look behind her, but nothing was there. She let out a sigh, but she wasn’t sure if it was of relief or disappointment. When she turned back to the river, he was standing there.

‘I thought you meant this side!’ Bellamy shouted. ‘Didn’t you come from the medical clinic?’

It was just another one of the misunderstandings that haunted their relationship these days. He had guessed correctly that she had dropped by the clinic on her way here, but not that she had detoured around the long way to the river. Of course Bellamy wouldn’t know that she liked to sit on this side of the river in the morning, where the bird song was loudest. It felt so natural after years of habit that she hadn’t even thought to mention it.

‘Sorry!’ she shouted back. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’ The roar of the river drowned out her words.

She watched as Bellamy pulled off his shirt, her mind carefully blank. She was trying so hard not to think that she didn’t realise why he was doing it until he was already in the water.

Bellamy splashed across the river, his steps slow as he resisted its flow. The water came up to his hips. It was a small river, only a few metres across, but everyone was taught to use the bridges, because its strength was unpredictable. Bellamy seemed to be doing okay. He was being pushed back forcefully by the current, but he just kept on walking stubbornly, gaining ground inch by inch.  When he finally reached the other side, he shook out his whole body, sending water flying everywhere. He grinned at Clarke. ‘No problem. I needed a bath anyway.’ He sat down next to her on the river bank, a respectable distance away.

Clarke just closed her eyes and counted to ten. This wasn’t part of her plan. In fact, a shirtless, soaking wet Bellamy was sending all of her carefully considered words flying right out of her head. She held on to as much of them as she could, and just prayed that she wouldn’t babble out something stupid. It was a point of pride for her that she had never lost her wits around Bellamy Blake. Some of her friends might disagree with that statement, but she knew that when she and Bellamy were screaming at each other incoherently that her brain was actually working harder than ever in her determination to win. But this wasn’t a conversation to win or to lose. The words she said today would actually matter. ‘So, we’re both here.’

Bellamy just gave her an incredulous look, clearly unimpressed by her brilliant observational skills. ‘Clarke, what did you need to tell me that you couldn’t say in a musty old shed? Why have you been avoiding me?’

Clarke stared out over the river. She had been on the other side when she had worked all of this out in her head last week. Bellamy was right. They were on the wrong side.

‘Clarke? I could be catching pneumonia here.’

She rummaged around in her bag and then threw a blanket in his direction. It was ratty and full of holes, but it was clean and sterile. She had packed it as a useful scrap of fabric for tearing off bandages in a medical emergency. It was also warm and soft.

Bellamy grunted out a thank you and wrapped it around his torso.

Clarke started to speak as she set her bag to rights. ‘Do you remember that night two weeks ago, when we were eating those weird mushrooms by the campfire?’

‘Yes, they were disgusting. I’ve put them on the do-not-eat list.’ The list was mostly for rare or poisonous plants, but occasionally they added something that was just especially foul tasting to the list.

Clarked hummed her agreement.

Bellamy nudged her shoulder. ‘It was also the last time we had a real conversation, before you started avoiding me.’

‘Right.’ Clarke took a deep breath. ‘You asked if I wanted some of the secret stash of fruit you had hidden in your tent for Madi.’

‘You said no. And then you practically ran away. I never realised you had such an aversion to fruit. Bad attitude for a doctor to have.’

‘In that moment, all I could think was that I did want that. I really wanted it. I couldn’t imagine anything better if I tried. And I just knew with every fibre of my being how impossible it all was, and it _hurt_ so much that I could barely breathe, let alone look at you.’ She hoped he knew she wasn’t just talking about the fruit.

‘Clarke,’ Bellamy said softly. ‘Would you please stop?’

She clenched her fists. ‘Yes, I’m sorry.’ She had never meant the word less, but she couldn’t think of a better one. ‘I didn’t want to bother you with this. But everyone was being so nosy, and if they’d just left me alone…’

‘Then you would have dug yourself a deeper hole. Clarke, look at me.’

She did. The look on his face took her breath away. It was full of longing and of hope. And just a hint of pride.

‘If you want me, I’m yours.’

 ‘But-‘

‘It really is that simple. So, do you want me?’

She leaned in and kissed him, her hands braced on his shoulders awkwardly because otherwise she feared she would just fall to the ground. This conversation had stolen all sense of balance from her, mental and physical. But Bellamy was strong, and with his hands on her hips he shifted her over to his lap, where she could let go without fear. But she didn’t. She used her new position as leverage to kiss harder, half wanting to make _him_ fall, to make him lose his equilibrium. But he must have centred his gravity, because he refused to fall. He pushed back just as hard, matching her in enthusiasm. She felt like she was burning up, burning six years of frustration out of her system. But she was only fanning the flames. That was okay. She wanted to burn like this forever. Burn their lips together, burn their souls together.

But after a while Bellamy pulled away gently, and stroked her cheek with one finger. ‘Clarke, could you please answer the question out loud? Just so there are no misunderstandings later. No take-backs.’

‘I want you,’ she whispered softly.

‘I want you too.’

‘We’re agreed then.’

‘For once in our lives.’ Bellamy was grinning.

Clarke realised that she was smiling too. She couldn’t seem to stop. She didn’t want to stop, even for more kissing. So she just leaned into Bellamy’s warmth, closing her eyes and feeling the beauty of the moment. His arms came around her, and they sat like that for a long time. The sun was well and truly up by the time Clarke stirred, feeling the beginnings of hunger.

Bellamy seemed to read her thoughts. ‘Breakfast?’

‘Mm. In a minute. Or five.’ Her stomach wanted her to move, but the rest of her was happy right here.

When her stomach rumbled audibly Bellamy gently disentangled from her and stood up. He held out his hand. This time, she took it. He put his arm around her shoulder and led her around to the bridge, towards the camp.

‘What about your shirt?’ she asked, remembering it sitting by the edge of the river.

‘Oh. How careless of me. I guess I’ll have to come back for it later. Will you keep me company? It’s easy to get lost around here.’

‘I think I could spare an hour or two.’

‘It’s a date.’

And they wandered back into camp, and went about their day as normal, eating breakfast, cleaning up the dishes, chatting with their friends. The only difference was that they couldn’t keep their hands away from each other, always touching, holding hands or leaning against one another. It was an important difference. It was everything she had longed for and fought for, it was everything she had wanted. She still couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot, and she never wanted it to stop.


End file.
